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Dave Starr
F L I N T O I D
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It's time again for the annual Stella Awards! For those unfamiliar with
these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck, who spilled
hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico
where she purchased the coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the
coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever
think one could get burned doing that, right?
That's right, these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and
verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch
your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.
So here are the Stella's for the past year: starting in last
place............
7TH PLACE :
Kathleen Robertson of Austin , Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her
peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running
inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by
the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.
6TH PLACE :
Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California , won $74,000 plus medical
expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman
apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he
was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
Go ahead, grab your head scratcher.
5TH PLACE :
Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , was leaving
a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for
Dickson , the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not
get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because
the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it
shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT, days on a case of Pepsi
and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner' s insurance company
claiming undue mental anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance
company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this
kind of
anguish.
Keep scratching. There are more.
4TH PLACE :
Jerry Williams, of Little Rock , Arkansas , garnered 4th Place in the
Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being
bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the
beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as
much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been
provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the
fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.
Grrrrr... Scratch, scratch.
3RD PLACE :
A jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay Amber
Carson of Lancaster , Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled
soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the
floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during
an argument. Whatever happened to people being responsible for their own
actions?
Scratch, scratch, scratch.
Hang in there. There are only two more Stella's to go.
2ND PLACE
Kara Walton of Claymont , Delaware , sued the owner of a nightclub in a
nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor,
knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms.Walton was trying to sneak
through the ladies' room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the
jury said the nightclub had to pay her $12,000, oh, yeah, plus dental
expenses. Go figure.
1ST PLACE : (May we have a fanfare played on 50 kazoos, please.)
This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski
of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma , who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor
home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to
the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the
driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a
sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and
overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not
putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's
seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are
you sitting down, $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually
changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski
has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.
Are we, as a society, getting more stupid? Or is it just the juries that
the lawyers select? PLEASE, IF YOU HAVE A BRAIN IN YOUR HEAD OR HAVE GOOD
COMMON SENSE, START SHOWING UP FOR JURY DUTY! PLEASE. |
_________________
I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.
Pushing buttons sure can be fun.
When a lion wants to go somewhere, he doesn’t worry about how many hyenas are in the way.
Paddle faster, I hear banjos. |
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Tue Oct 21, 2008 10:46 am |
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twotap
F L I N T O I D
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| Why do these idiotic awards bring visions of Democrats to my head??? The party of victims of course. |
_________________
"If you like your current healthcare you can keep it, Period"!!
Barack Hussein Obama--- multiple times. |
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Tue Oct 21, 2008 12:09 pm |
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andi03
F L I N T O I D
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| TT? Idiocy is a multi-party thing. |
_________________
Build a bridge and get over it! |
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Tue Oct 21, 2008 3:19 pm |
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